Being Alone

Question: I am in a relationship that isn’t working, but I stay because I’m afraid of being alone.

Hanuman: The fear of being alone drives human beings to the most outrageous kinds of things! [Laughter]. I would say, heartfully, if somehow you can be free of the fear of being alone, you will find it such an immense blessing, such a freedom, such an empowerment. You will find it leads not only to being liberated from the fear of being alone, but really to loving being alone, really having the opportunity to allow and nurture a profoundly intimate relationship with your own Self. And then the relationships that ensue will have a possibility of a very profound intimacy as well, because you will no longer be driven by fear, but compelled by love alone.

This life is precious and rare. So, you have to decide, what do you want? On one hand it seems as if there is a possibility of a life that lives out of the frightened contraction of being alone, and the choices and decisions that are made to avoid that condition. On the other hand are freedom and the possibility of a depth of love that heretofore you may not have tasted. So, I would not flee from this fear. I would say, in some ways, from the point of view of a humble human being, it is in part your work, so to speak.

Question: In part, my work is to not flee from that fear of being alone?

Hanuman: Yes, and to not be ruled by fear, not be a servant of fear, regardless of the issue at hand.

Question: No matter how attractive it might seem.

Hanuman: Yes, no matter what.

It is really a question of what is your Heart’s desire. You see, what we flee from keeps beckoning, so that maybe these profound spiritual experiences pass away, and one is left with this familiar, habitual contraction and an endless repetition of a sad story.

We don’t want this lifetime to be a sad story of unrealized possibility. So, an open heart, which expresses itself in a profoundly intimate relationship, is a heart that is free of the strategizing that comes from servitude to that fear. And, of course, all of this is a story, you see, and ultimately we want to be free of believing any story as being true.

So, another task at hand, if you will, is seeing that the one whom you call your beloved, whom you may break up with or who may break up with you, is no other than your own Self, in truth. And in truth there is no relationship, ultimately. But so what? To speak this way is not practical and useful at this particular point in time. [Laughter]

Question: The word you used, contraction, described to a ‘T’ the physical experience through this.

Hanuman: You see, one thing that is frightening is that when one is left alone, one seems to be then in relationship with ‘thoughts,’ with that story. In part, what is so frightening for people being alone is that they have been alone with a very frightening story! [Laughter] And, of course, that’s scary.

So, I would suggest, here and now, that you see the fictitious nature of all story, ultimately, and that you transform your relationship to thinking itself, so thinking itself no longer can function as some kind of demonic, maniacal master leaving you quivering and shaking in fear.

So, a good starting point in our speaking together here and now, is to see the possibility of having a profound, compassionate love for your own Self.

You suggest that you are in some difficult predicament. And how often, when we find ourselves apparently in these difficult predicaments, do we curse and bemoan ourselves? Better, perhaps to say: ‘Wow, what a great, great time to bring all my wisdom, all my heart, right here and now, to love my own Self unconditionally.’

So, in part the work I am suggesting is the removal of the obstruction to unconditional love. You can call that spiritual work, you can call it psychological. It does not matter what you call it. It is realizing the rarity and preciousness of this life! Do I want any less than to be a free-flowing expression of unconditional love?

Remove the obstruction, the contraction disappears, and one is left as the expression of unconditional love. Let the contraction and all of its manifestations serve to be the graceful reminders to let go, relax, to love now, be merciful, be compassionate. Let this contraction and its unwinding be a great Grace. Let the fear of being alone be the great Grace that reminds you of the possibility of fearlessness.

Then you will say: ‘Hallelujah, this fear is serving my intention for freedom.’ You befriend the fear. And befriend your beloved whether you break up or not.